We Are BoitanoFan
Welcome to the BoitanoFan Homeworld. It has been noted on r.s.s.i.f. that Brian Boitano fans are out to conquer the universe
and assimilate all who disagree with us. This must be so. Who are we
to argue with r.s.s.i.f. regulars?
We have assimilated AOL. Rec.Sport.Skating.Ice.Figure. is next.
We Are BoitanoFan. You WILL Be Assimilated. Resistance IS Futile.
Allow me to introduce myself. I am 1 of 8. 2 of 8 is off assimilating others.
Remember, Borg statistics show that Seven of Nine skating fans prefer Brian Boitano!
quote from an anonymous source
Here is 2 of 8's latest report:
"Dear 1 of 8,
Assimilation of AOL has met with an unexpected resistance in a small quadrant.
The HamiltonFan is gaining momentum. We may have to rethink our strategy there.
The rssif still resists. 4 of 8 continues to aid in the effort, but still, no
success. A new problem cropped up, as there seems to me a similar yet different
collective showing a presence there. The StojkoFan collective continues to use
physics psychobabble to wear down resistance to their assimilation attempts. But
so far, it hasn't been very effective. We will continue our own assimilation
methods, since the T-blasts have dissipated.
I will send further assimilation reports as needed.
2 of 8"
Our recent assimilation, 3 of 8, has been assigned California. We should have
a report from her soon. There should be little reisistance, since those in that
geographical area seem to be easily led ;D......
As a member of the BoitanoFan collective, it is my duty to explain to you
how we are taking over the skating universe. It's already happening. Our first
objective was to completely convert those who preferred other skaters. Obviously
they must be misguided. And since the collective only knows Boitano, we, of course
can't appreciate things like:
- Scott Hamilton's amazing creativity
- Alexei Yagudin's perfection
- Brian Orser's artistry
- Victor Petrenko's.....um.....oh, yeah, he does a great Michael Jackson impression
- Kurt Browning's increadible charisma (and those great black pants...)
- Elvis Stojko's stunning jumps
- Todd Eldridge's pointed toes
- Ilia Kulik's cool quad
- Rudy Galindo's costumes
BoitanoFan only knows that judges are idiots, and Boitano should *always* win.......
Reasons Brian Boitano Loses
According to the collective, that is
Hmmm, I'm *sure* there's more.....
- Aforementioned judges
- Bad Ice
- That darn shirt was in his way!
- It wuz rigged
- He just got new boots!!! (thanks Doreen, how *could* I have forgotten?)
- Judges too overwhelmed by Rudy's costumes
- Fall? What fall? Too much adrenaline, I tell ya!
- Who says you have to land EVERY jump to win?
Phase II of Assimilation
Once we've convince all skating fans that Brian Boitano is the best, it will
then be our goal to convert all male skaters to the Boitano way. Lots of
fantastic jumps, beautiful spread eagles, and lots and lots of opera.
And don't forget, flowing shirts, and tight tight pants!!!! It's already
happening. (see Elvis Stojko, Alexei Yagudin, etc...)
Just so you don't think we're humorless, here is the recipe for Borg Stew.
This should make your assimilation less painful.
10 Fans of other skaters
Brown BoitanoFan in hot pan, add water and simmer. When stew thickens add
other fans, watch them either turn into BoitanoFan or go up in flames. Don't
serve until everyone watching is bored.
borrowed from dejah aka Mary E Tyler
Once again, here's the disclaimer:
It's Just A JOKE!!
Got a problem? Then email1 of 8
Send all flame emails to Assimilate
so we can pinpoint your location for assimilation
To the Boitano Repository
Photo at top created in PhotoShop using a Harlick photo ad and a picture of the classic Borg cube. Copyrights unknown, but used with permission.